Sure it’s practical, convenient and an especially fast form of transport, but goodness gracious me do you meet some strange people and have some strange experiences on the tube. I guess the ‘tube’ is a part of London, as is the drunk guy who stumbles onto the carriage after a few too many beers at the football match and the baby who just doesn’t want to stop crying.
So, as a frequent underground-goer, I thought it’d be fun to list the worst things about the transport service, being the pessimist that I am…
- Hot Weather
As the weather in London gets (erratically) better the spirits of every Londoner rises and so does the humidity on every underground tube journey. I mean, not to be such a ‘Debby downer’ moaning about the weather, but, my God does the tube on a hot day feel like a sauna – and not a relaxing one at that! You instantly regret the extra jacket that you put on ‘just in case’ and if you are as short as I am (4’11 for reference) you are in the perfect position for being directly underneath the armpits of the sweatiest people in London – delightful I’m sure you’ll agree.
- Rush Hour
The cursed words every 9 ‘till 5’er dreads hearing: “it’s rush hour”. I mean, I’m not exactly a devout 9 ‘till 5’er, but getting stuck in that after-work rush really is the devil’s work; I wouldn’t wish being squished between a large, sweaty man and the dirty door upon my worst enemy. Even on the off chance you manage to score a seat, you get the prime spot of having the view of everyone’s arse. It’s a great time of the day.
- The Eaters
I’m a reasonable person, I’m not asking anyone to starve to death, but please for the love of all people who have a working nose, do not eat smelly food on the tube. The tube is smelly and stuffy enough without the added scent of your packet of pickled onion Monster Munches, or that Subway sandwich that looks way too messy to be eating on moving transport!
- The Ones who don’t Follow the ‘Rules’
Again, not trying to be a ‘Moaning Myrtle’, but please learn the basic rules of the London underground. It’s really not that complicated:
Step 1: Stick to the right side of the escalator (it saves a lot of hassle, and keeps the flow of people moving).
Step 2: Always let people off the tube first (come on that is just common sense!).
Step 3: Don’t be rude and just at least offer your seat to the elderly, pregnant or infant (don’t just sit there as the pregnant lady struggles to keep balance!).
- The Talkers
As much as I love hearing about your fight with Katie (I mean what a bitch! How dare she steal your vintage ACDC band tee) some things have just gotta be kept on the down-low. Not everyone wants to hear your very loud conversation, so please either keep it to a lower volume or just wait till you get off the tube!
- The Loud Music Players
I love a bit of music on the train, there’s no WIFI so you can just sit back and take the tube journey as a bit of a break from social media and listen to some tunes; put a bit of Ed Sheeran on (his new album though… oh my!) and really enjoy the ‘quiet’. Yet, when I put my headphones in and start to enjoy the angelic voice of Ed, I really don’t want to be hearing the not-so-angelic screams of somebody’s rock music that they feel the need to play on full volume. Umm hello, you’re not cool dude, put some headphones in!
Yet I think, regardless of the very strange things that may occur on the London Underground, it just wouldn’t be London without the noise, the rule breakers or the rush hour business!
Words: Maija Lily